Sexuality – It’s more complicated than you think
Cast your mind back to 2011/12!?! What stage of your life were you at?!? I was 17/18 and at college, hating most of my subjects except for Media studies which enabled me to pick and choose the topics I wanted to delve further into.
Already watching a lot of shows with sexualities represented, I settled on that topic. I wrote lengthy essays, did a presentation (which you could tell made a few uncomfortable) and looked into anything regarding the topic. (hey, it got me an A and I got to spend my essays writing all about Glee and Torchwood!)
That was when I came across the wealth of different sexualities that are out there, half of which some of you probably don’t know even exist – I didn’t either!
Something that I found that resonated with me was that every person has a romantic orientation and a sexual orientation. For some they are aligned, romantic & sexual attraction for the opposite gender. And some they aren’t.
Whilst it was a topic I was always interested in, I never really gave my sexuality a seconds thought – I was straight and that was that!
But the more I thought about it as I grew up I always knew that I just wasn’t acting that way people my age were “supposed to act”, so what happens when you don’t have primary sexual attraction to anyone? I explained this to a friend who said I could be demisexual so I looked it up and I pretty much fit the bill! Falling into the Grey-A category: A demisexual is a person who experiences romantic feelings for someone (in my case people of the opposite gender) but who may only experience sexual attraction if a strong emotional connection with that person is made. It comes from being half way between Sexual and Asexual
Looking back on my teenage years it made sense, I was never as interested in relationships and sex as my friends were. I always refused to play spin the bottle, feeling physically sick and having panic attacks at the thought of having to kiss another person and I never, like literally never, had a crush in the teenage sense of the word (that guy in class who you’ve never spoken to like ever)! I was always the one who was most likely to become lonely cat lady, and people used to get annoyed and think I didn’t trust them enough to tell them who I liked but I genuinely didn’t think of anyone that way.
Whilst I don’t currently ‘like’ anyone, I have liked a small handful of guys in my lifetime but I have never been sexually attracted to any of them. I find romantic attraction happens a lot easier and is a lot easier to handle!
As a teenager some people just assume you are “a prude” or “too picky” if you feel that way and people have said to me well you’ve never been in a relationship so how’d you know?! Or you just haven’t tried you’ll change your mind. Being on the asexual spectrum is about attraction and feelings and not behaviours!
Sometimes giving yourself a label, wether people believe it to be true or not, really helps you not feel so alone and that what your feeling isn’t strange. I believe sexuality is a fluid thing and everyone including myself is still discovering who they are on a daily basis but I’m equally more comfortable since those media classes all those years ago, knowing the way I have felt for the majority of my teenage years and early twenties has a name!
In the likelihood that I have done a really bad job at explaining this there is a brilliant resources online that explains it like a bajillion times better and that have been bookmarked in my phone pretty much since I was 17 –
Until Next Time,
Laugh, Love and Shop
*this blog-post is courtesy of 19 year old Charlotte who sent it to her drafts and was too scared to hit publish until now……